Perception

The very biggest thing I'm trying to do to get all of this stuff happening is change how I see things, such as food. ESPECIALLY food.

I see food as "something to do". I'm out shopping... hey look! Pepperoni sticks. A small bag of Lays. A half chicken from Extra Foods ($2.50 if it's from the previous day). I'm not even kidding on the last one. I've got $5 in my pocket? Hey, A&W has a deal on burgers.

I am ESPECIALLY bad at this if no-one is looking, because I've always felt like I've had to hide my eating. Even if people are there, though, my eating is crazy at home. I'm near the fridge? Big swig of milk from the jug. I'm getting an apple for one of my kids? I'll grab a rice cake, or some crackers, or SOMETHING starchy that's just laying on the counter. And a swig of milk. Late at night? Hello, cheese toast. Or popcorn with lots of butter. Always something comforting, because I'm trying to rationalize "a long day".

For about a week now, I've had my mantra (no, not manta) written on my thumb, pistolgrip style. This was much derided by many of my friends online as a silly idea, but guess what? Fuck y'all. It works. Everytime I reach for anything, I see it written on my thumb, and I repeat it to myself, and the urge to eat... well, it doesn't go away, but it's suddenly and immediately superceded by the urge to look good and feel good.

Sometimes it doesn't win... Cadbury eggs and homemade dark-chocolate-real-vanilla-applesauce-cookies? I'm only human. But I have way, way LESS than I normally would. Swigs of milk have been replaced with water. Pepperoni sticks have been replaced with... well, nothing.

I tell myself that the feeling of hunger and longing for food is a good thing, because it means I'm actually STICKING to my diet. I'm succeeding. I'm not giving in. I'm proving that I DO have the willpower to see this through. That hunger paing is inspirational now. I mentally feel better even as I digest my stomach lining.

Then I have a glass of water, check the time until I can eat (healthy) again, and go about my dai.

Which reminds me, it's beefaroni time now.

One perception change that has helped me is replacing nearly any junk food with fresh fruit. The fruit tastes better, doesnt leave you feeling guilty, nor does it make you feel physicaly slowed down (If your still trying to escape the sugar coma, you probaly dont feel that one yet, but beleive me once your free of sugars grasp, the stuff actually makes you feel like shit). Strawberrys and cantalope are relatively cheap, quick to prepare, and awesome in general. Its not wrong to want to eat. We kinda need to in order to survive. The key is switching what we want.