The Three Week Burnout

So for three straight days, I've basically been off-diet. At work, it hasn't been so bad, but whenever I've gone out I HAVE been lured by fast-food, and even if I am taking the 'healthier' options from the menu, I am still eating junk when I have perfectly healthy and delicious food back at the office, and yesterday I postponed and postponed my office meal until I was out of the office, so I HAD to get something while I was out (in the form of milk and pepperoni).

My old time limit for life-changes used to be two weeks, making it just shy of the three-week mark is pretty good, but it's still failure. My mantra of "Just one year, just one year" doesn't work, since I was saying that WHILE eating a Pirate cookie last night. I've fallen back into my behaviour of eating whatever's on the counter and drinking from the bottles and jugs in the fridge, and feeling bad about it AFTER.

I know, you'll just say "You'll die before you're 40! Stop it!" and I'll feel bad, but it won't work. Anyone with addictive behaviour can tell you that awareness of the problem and it's detrimental side effects is by no means insulation or a cure. Posting about things that make me happy was helping, but yesterday it didn't even OCCUR to me to do it, so that behaviour already slacked off. Posting motivating pictures around my 'office' at home isn't working too much, either, they just make me feel bad (GSP and Kenshiro) since I used to be capable of so much, and now I'm... not.

I am going to see this through, I am going to make it the whole year. I am probably going to fall off the wagon, but I'm going to get back on, too. My weight has yo-yod in just the three weeks, and is almost back up to where I started which I am at a loss to explain, since I have absolutely eaten less over the last three weeks. I do drink probably 5x as much water as I used to, so maybe it's just hydration, but who knows? I don't care about my weight. I have no delusions on this part.

I care about how I look, and what I'm capable of.

I look like a mountainous desk monkey, and I'm capable of so very little compared to my competition days, back when I could do full-on cup-hitting-the-floor splits, high-side kick to rest my foot on Shihan's head, and probably ten Kata with the sleeves snapping. Now? I can do 19 minutes on an elliptical before I gas out.

Fuck that.

Exactaly. Fuck that. Keep workin your ass off and there will be progress. Sure you slipped. your a human. it happens. Your ability to maintain focus is up by a week. thats good. Now try and combine that with making it so your able to regain said focus after 3 days off, and you have it made.

So far as your overall performance goes, your still missing the key ingredient. Strength training. It doesnt take much, but it is what makes the differance. If you were to start doing 50 bodyweight squats and 25 standard pushups each day, you would feel yourself becoming more powerful by the day. How long should that take you? Maybe 2 minutes? and you can split it up over the course of the whole day. Wake up, 10 squats 5 pushups. Finish breakfast 10 squats 5 pushups. finish lunch 10 squats 5 pushups. time to go home 10 squats 5 pushups. finished dinner 10 squats 5 pushups and your done.

This will build the muscle you need to make the differance. you can take in all the protein in the world, but until you start strength training to make use of it, your just pissing it away (quite literaly). Nutrition is king, but every king needs subjects to rule.

You've been doing real good man. you've had to add notches to your belt, your eating much less and no longer feel like its going to kill you. you've come a long way. all you have to do now is fight through the slow time where your body is just starting to figure things out.

Having a place to spout this garbage, and get responses, is a HUGE help. Even on my fitness thread on xkcd, most of the comments are just "You're not sticking to it!" or "Yay for sticking to it!" There's so little advice and real support. On BWC my threads went pretty much empty, so it was like trying to fit into a new clique at school: they didn't tell me to go away, but they sure didn't make me feel welcome, either.

My problem with strength training is exactly the same as my problem with writing: white space phobia (or more accurately, pink space phobia). I'm resistant to actually STARTING, because I'll either a) fail, or b) it'll be too hard. If I don't start, neither of those things can happen!

It's stupid, I know. Most of this is irrational. I'm trying to defeat the irrational behaviour. Like I said somewhere else, though, I've got ten years of momentum already built up here.

To be honest, you've got a built in tool to help you with the strength training. Dont think of your extra weight as something that will stop you. Think of it as weighted clothing, perfectly distributed to help you build strength. your so hardcore you wear this weighted clothing all the freaking time, even when you sleep. Your a 220lb man wearing a 100lb bodysuit.

Everything you do becomes harder because of it. but thats good. it means fewer reps are needed to acomplish things. if you were to do 25 standard pushups in a day, you'll be building muscle at a much faster rate than i would be doing 100.

to you, doing a pushup is almost as much of an ultimate strength builder as my one armed pushups, because you get to wear that bodysuit.

I think thats going to be a key for you. stop thinking of yourself as fat. you are incredibly strong. your 6'4 and 220lbs of pure muscle. you just train to the extream.

Heh, it's nearer 200 lbs of pure muscle, and it's muscle with almost no tone.

You do make a good point, though.

Of course i make a good point. and its far more toned than you realize. its just hidden and has become infiltrated by the weighted suit.

Do you not realize how strong you are? Dont you understand that if somebody told me i'd have to start carring around 100 extra pounds every day i'd laugh and say "impossible!"?

Next time you go to the water cooler, pick up one of the big jugs. they are what, 19L? thats almost 42lbs. your carring around 2.5 of them all the freaking time. Everywhere you go, up the stairs, down the stairs, over to the printer, out to the lawn, your carring 2.5 of the big jugs of water. and its become normal to you. dont you comprehend how strong you need to be to do that?

My net strength while wearing the suit is negligible, though. I have very little endurance, because my weighted suit keeps my ass glued to chairs all day.

Also, someone else saw UFC:

Dont worry about the net strength. thing about the gross.

Use the tool you have. all you need to do is move, and do light reps to make incredible progress. it might seem like your doing nothing, and for a 320lb man who is in perfect shape, your right.

But your not a 320lb man. your a 200lb man. for a 200lb man, moving that much extra weight is awesome. being able to do another 2-5% each week is an incredible gain.

Failure will only happen if you let your concept of it win. Eat to feed that 200lb man, and nothing more. do strength training for that 200lb man, and nothing more. Do cardio for him. Forget about the 300+lb chris. he doesnt exist. Everything you do is now the 200lb chris. He is strong. He can walk for a half hour at a solid pace while carrying an extra 100lbs of weight. He can do pushups with an extra 80-100lbs on his back. He does 100lb squats like others do bodyweight.

Think in those terms, and build on things.

CURSE YOUR POSITIVE OUTLOOK!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I've been posting this around in order to help keep me on track, and not forget about it.

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Allrighty, I've decided to change my focus / bent here a little bit, and this is going to be reflected in the Great xkcd FatBet.

My weight has fluctuated, and is back up again, so all in all I've only lost something like 3 lbs over the past 2.5 months. This might seem to be a bad thing, but some other facts must be taken into account:

• * My legs are substantially stronger than before due to dilligent walking
  * I've added TWO holes to my belt to accomodate my shrinking waistline
  * I am eating considerably less and considerably better.
  * I am taking in at least 5 times as much water as I was before (seriously, I never used to drink water)

Taking everything into account, it would seem that I've gotten stronger, and probably developed quite a bit of skeletal muscle.

My buddy Kyrose really, really helped me get back on track today when he explained that, given my size and history and changes to my diet, I shouldn't see it as me trying to lose about 120lbs. I should see it as being a 200lb experienced martial artist wearing a 120lb fatsuit day in, day out. If he (an avid amateur bodybuilder) wore a 120lb fatsuit, he'd never make it through the day. He wouldn't even be able to walk up stairs.

It is an interesting viewpoint, and I have subscribed to his newsletter. I am now more focused on fitness and strength, rather than weight, for a few reasons.

• * Muscular people burn more calories simply by the virtue of having more muscle mass
  * Fit people burn more calories at baseline due to a well-maintained cardiovascular system
  * If I were stronger and more fit, I would FEEL more like exercising, as opposed to now, where I feel like having a nap.
  * Once I start to show more gains in strength and endurance, it will motivate me to try and improve beyond that.

As a side-effect to all of these things, I will lose fat, and lose weight. I've just changed my focus.